Enjoying the Failed Dreams

I've always dreamt of affluence, of not having to work, of being able to play golf all day, everyday.  I wanted the option to do nothing without worry or consequence.  I realize now that this is not what I want.  Instead, I realize it's the dream I've settled for.  My dream, which started when I was 9 years old playing basketball with my older brother, was to one day be a professional basketball player.  Needless to say, I didn't make it.  I've always dwelled on that.  To this day, I sometimes catch myself thinking "What if I hade made it?"  Those are the worst, aren't they?  What if's.  Every once in awhile, in those moments of self pity and while bathing in my own sympathy, a revelation happens.

For at least 10 years, I chased that dream. I went from just another kid in class who occasionally got picked on to the 3-point shooter who had the baddest boys from school consider him a friend.  Even the boy who would occasionally pick on me became one of my best friends.  More than 20 years later I look back and think "Man, those were the best days!".  I didn't dream of doing "nothing without consequences" back then.  I went to bed each night psyched for the next day.  I wanted to find a place to ball every waking hour.  I refused to acknowledge fatigue.  I challenged myself not to puke in practice no matter how much coach pushed us.  I wanted to make it to the starting 5.  I wanted to shoot the lights out.  I wanted to do two-a-days on school days and three-a-days in the summer.  

I didn't know it then but I was already living part of the dream because I was inspired - everyday.  Really, in hindsight and in alot of ways, isn't that the dream?  To not settle, to find inspiration and run like hell for it, to put in the work everyday, keeping your eye on the prize (and not so much necessarily getting it).  To be in that moment, to be in pursuit, it's a special place.  Not everyone gets the opportunity and it's a cliché to say "enjoy the journey because it's about the journey more than the destination" but it's so true.  And even if one day you don't make it, you'll look back and think - that was fun.

I am a husband and a father now.  I love my wife and kids to death and live life everyday with them in mind.  Sometimes I wish I could go back, and then fairly quickly I feel guilty.  I had my run.  I chased that dream.  And I can honestly say looking back and knowing that I wouldn't make it to the pros, I'd still do it all over again.  And that's the end of me thinking about it.  Because nowadays I find myself inspired by new things.  Good things.  Great things.  Things and moments I want to relish and not let pass me by.  New journeys.  Growing up, there was no way they could explain to a kid what it feels like to love your wife, to be a Dad.  It's special.  It's everything.  It inspires me in ways that I am constantly learning and appreciating each day.  I want to teach my kids to follow their dreams but more than that, enjoy the journey.  People say that all the time but it means something different to each of us.  It even changes.  I consider myself lucky.  I am inspired by so many things.  My marriage inspires me, my kids inspire me, golf inspires me - even my job inspires me.  

The point is, and my wife always says this is my problem, is to live life in the present and enjoy the moment.  Find inspiration in small things, big things, everything.  Most people spend their lives chasing a dream or struggling to find their "purpose", they forget to enjoy the search.  Unfortunately, most people will fail.  It's just a fact of life.  If it was easy, then it wouldn't be much of a dream, would it?  What you do with those failed dreams is up to you.  Every once in awhile, in those moments of self pity and while bathing in your own sympathy, you can look back and learn to enjoy the failed dreams.